I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
