There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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