In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
