Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
