I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
