P.S. I can't hear my feet
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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