I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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