yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
