I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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