I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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