u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize