can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
