you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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