My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
