He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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