Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
