thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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