Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
