I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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