I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am mentally ready for anal.
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