My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
