this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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