so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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