Christians are straight up FREAKS
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
