better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
