My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
