Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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