sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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