So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
