I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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