Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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