hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
honey bunches of taint.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
