True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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