Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
