Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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