If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
