So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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