Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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