I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize