I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize