Welp...herpes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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