Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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