Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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