Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
