next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
