just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
