I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
