He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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