we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
