Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
