i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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