im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
