I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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