I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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