I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
