I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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