omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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