my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
