I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
