I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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