I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
