Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
